Already got asked if we're dating
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He did a backflip because drugs
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
