What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
