i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
