I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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