My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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