I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
