Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
