Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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