All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
