My brain says no but my pants say off.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
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She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
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Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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