I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
