She's JV to your varsity
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
