Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
