Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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