Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
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It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
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all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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