don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
