Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
