I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
as a side note pls kill me
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
