Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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