Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
