Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
