Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
