I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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