Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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