Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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