ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
