i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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