I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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