Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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