I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
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even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
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If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize