Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
