She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
