the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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