This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
