i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
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Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
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I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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