sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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