she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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