I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
