My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
