New low: just hacked my moms facebook
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize