One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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