Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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