You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
even my farts smell like vagina
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
