he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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