mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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