belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
