I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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