There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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