No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
