Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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