I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize