I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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