Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
ttyl tear gas
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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