8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
