It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
