I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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