you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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