I wish you could order shots online.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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