We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
It's blow job season.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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