I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
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But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
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Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.