Texts From Last Night

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  (913): View more from Kansas

  I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.

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  (913): I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me. http://tfl.nu/mpf5
  Replies (5) Good night (1009) Bad night (1831)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees

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  (201): we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees http://tfl.nu/26hp
  Replies (43) Good night (3056) Bad night (986)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  "auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made

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  (404): "auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made http://tfl.nu/y4iq
  Replies (23) Good night (849) Bad night (4674)
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  (315): View more from New York

  The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.

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  (315): The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style. http://tfl.nu/brn7
  Replies (15) Good night (5157) Bad night (1186)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.

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  (309): so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished. http://tfl.nu/wbty
  Replies (19) Good night (7204) Bad night (1543)
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  (626): View more from California

  Dignity is for republicans.

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  (626): Dignity is for republicans. http://tfl.nu/vkse
  Replies (39) Good night (4898) Bad night (1594)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.

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  (336): Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape. http://tfl.nu/9ahj
  Replies (3) Good night (3240) Bad night (908)
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  (516): View more from New York

  He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him

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  (516): He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him http://tfl.nu/fil7
  Replies (10) Good night (994) Bad night (543)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.

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  (678): I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth. http://tfl.nu/apt1
  Replies (5) Good night (1276) Bad night (526)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth

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  (262): Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth http://tfl.nu/ck6h
  Replies (2) Good night (687) Bad night (314)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.

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  (425): I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet. http://tfl.nu/8dod
  Replies (4) Good night (662) Bad night (262)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?

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  (901): So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back? http://tfl.nu/odpa
  Replies (8) Good night (526) Bad night (1033)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.

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  (902): On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels. http://tfl.nu/7u4p
  Replies (4) Good night (222) Bad night (696)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.

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  (513): I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me. http://tfl.nu/ewcq
  Replies (2) Good night (238) Bad night (537)
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  (716): View more from New York

  "There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."

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  (716): "There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days." http://tfl.nu/ks69
  Replies (7) Good night (366) Bad night (226)

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