ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
hahahahaha turkey breast
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes