Texts From Last Night

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  (765): View more from Indiana

  That was a long time ago. She needed the money.

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  (765): That was a long time ago. She needed the money. http://tfl.nu/tglw
  Replies (11) Good night (1086) Bad night (760)
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  (212): View more from New York

  I'm drive I can fine osifer

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  (212): I'm drive I can fine osifer http://tfl.nu/zjuj
  Replies (28) Good night (1376) Bad night (2110)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.

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  (250): i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week. http://tfl.nu/bxis
  Replies (12) Good night (674) Bad night (1406)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow

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  (812): My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow http://tfl.nu/ea94
  Replies (236) Good night (65543) Bad night (2692)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...

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  (612): I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person... http://tfl.nu/4pvh
  Replies (25) Good night (4564) Bad night (692)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.

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  (763): My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries. http://tfl.nu/9ep5
  Replies (8) Good night (4755) Bad night (1229)
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  (213): View more from California

  Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.

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  (213): Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain. http://tfl.nu/121u
  Replies (3) Good night (2237) Bad night (1074)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.

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  (847): No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it. http://tfl.nu/l9mq
  Replies (9) Good night (4195) Bad night (989)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.

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  (203): The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of. http://tfl.nu/765v
  Replies (4) Good night (4229) Bad night (721)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it

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  (717): no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it http://tfl.nu/l891
  Replies (4) Good night (539) Bad night (1381)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful

  (1-423): View more from Tennessee

  breakfast of champions

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  breakfast of stoners

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  (423): animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful (1-423): breakfast of champions (423): breakfast of stoners http://tfl.nu/cslr
  Replies (6) Good night (1265) Bad night (529)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.

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  (989): Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning. http://tfl.nu/ngc6
  Replies (2) Good night (723) Bad night (308)
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  (510): View more from California

  Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.

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  (510): Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation. http://tfl.nu/xoud
  Replies (2) Good night (706) Bad night (225)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.

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  (256): My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted. http://tfl.nu/wkzb
  Replies (0) Good night (735) Bad night (159)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.

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  (210): I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog. http://tfl.nu/u151
  Replies (0) Good night (434) Bad night (113)

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