I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.