Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.