he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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