Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
