ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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