I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
