He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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