so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
