so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
