I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
