Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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