he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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