i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
