Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
