hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
