the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I lost the right to judge tonight
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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